It's a Friday night.
I'm now sitting in client's place alone at this hour, listening to Bruno Mars "Today My Life Begins".
Not that I'm doing any substantial work anyway. I should go home, I know. But I dunno why I'm still sitting here.
I dunno what I'm doing anymore.
Am constantly worried or brooding over things that I know very well that are not within my control. So the thing is, why still think, right???
Sigh.
Unhappiness is the word for now. I havent felt like this for a long while. Ever since those JC days of constant worrying over not making it past A'levels i guess.
I was so much happier in uni. Jaded perhaps, towards the end of it.
But not like this now.
What happened?!?!
Okay. I'm going to pack up and go home.
Sleep is the best remedy.
Hopefully.
Friday, November 26, 2010
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Nothingness
It's been an alcohol-overdose week.
After the high-ness in the night, we wake up to reality in the morning once again.
I'm tired of wishing for things.
Can't wait to fly away from everything.
After the high-ness in the night, we wake up to reality in the morning once again.
I'm tired of wishing for things.
Can't wait to fly away from everything.
Sunday, November 14, 2010
57th Heaven
This weekend has been one of the best as far as I can remember.
Stayed over at Marina Bay Sands after the company's dnd. Good to have a space to park our things in and retire for the night after the dinner. And how we can venture out for supper after a very unsatisfying dinner. In exchange for the very cramped space on the bed, resulting in a very sleep-deprived me currently.
But staying till the next morning to enter the swimming pool on the 57th level makes it allllll worth it!!!
Stayed over at Marina Bay Sands after the company's dnd. Good to have a space to park our things in and retire for the night after the dinner. And how we can venture out for supper after a very unsatisfying dinner. In exchange for the very cramped space on the bed, resulting in a very sleep-deprived me currently.
But staying till the next morning to enter the swimming pool on the 57th level makes it allllll worth it!!!
Gosh, I totally wish I had brought a change of clothes to enter the pool to swim!! Sigh.
But well, I made do with lying on the sunbeds and it feels heavenly too!
If only minus the singapore humid weather and scorching sun, everything would be perfect. I would feel as if I was back in Europe once again.
Spent my sunday meeting up with ming and getting some winter wear from her. Thank you dear piratey! Can't wait to escape from reality and fly to the other side of the globe!! =)
But well, I made do with lying on the sunbeds and it feels heavenly too!
If only minus the singapore humid weather and scorching sun, everything would be perfect. I would feel as if I was back in Europe once again.
Spent my sunday meeting up with ming and getting some winter wear from her. Thank you dear piratey! Can't wait to escape from reality and fly to the other side of the globe!! =)
Thursday, November 04, 2010
D.I.S.A.P.P.O.I.N.T.M.E.N.T
Today, lets talk about this word.
Through my life, I've been through my fair share of disappointment.
Well, who's to say that out of so many exam grades that you've received throughout your academic life, there was never a time when you were not disappointed?
Lets not even mention the school exams. Out of the national exams, I remember being disappointed at my PSLE grade, disappointed at my O'level grade, disappointed at my A'level grade (though at this point there was more relief than disappointment at the mere fact that I have made it to a local uni, regardless of the course -- yeah that was how bad my fear was back then).
But anyway.
Ever since I started working, disappointment was felt lesser.
Well, we only have our appraisals once a year, compared to having exams twice a year back in uni, or even more back then in secondary school, exam grades were dealt with four times a year.
But yesterday, I truly felt the word "disappointment", even though it's not the appraisal period now.
So it turns out that, being disappointed by someone hurts even more than being disappointed by ownself.
Especially when the person had always mattered alot, and then suddenly some things happened, and make you snap back to reality and make you realise "okay. so this is wad it is all about huh."
That's really *ouch*.
Perhaps from another perspective, it may just be a minor gesture, it may just be nothing at all, but because everything once mattered so much, it's just not easy to disregard everything at all.
But it's okay. At least it's a sign to snap out of everything, once and for all. It's been a year after all, it's about time too, I guess.
This long weekend shall be a healing weekend. =)
And hopefully, it can really turn out to work.
We've always known that it's unhealthy that work takes up a big part of our life. But sometimes, when you're so used to work being such a big part of ur life, u realise that without work, life is very empty as well.
That's very sad huh.
There r seniors who go back to the office on weekends, and who are still in office now, despite that the long weekend is supposed to have started, and who WILL also be in office for the nxt few days.
I wonder if that will happen to me when I become a senior next year. But nevermind, that's next year's stuff.
I remember roomie telling me to try to make work only 20% of my life. So that I won't be too engulfed by everything revolving around work, such as the environment and the ppl too. Well, I do love my colleagues, esp. my peers, who are actually the biggest part of the motivation of work everyday. But well, I should aim to have a life outside of work, I know.
I dunno how.
But somehow, I should.
I met up with some uni frens last weekend. A fren mentioned that he feels as if he's going through a quarter-life crisis now. Lost of what's coming next, lost of what to expect next. It's like when we were back in school, we always know what's next. There's always an aim in mind. After O's, it's A's. After A's, it's uni. During uni, it's to fulfill your commitments in activities and schoolwork and get that degree eventually and find your dream job. (but is there even one in the first place?)
But now that we're working and caught up in the rat race, what's next?
It's easy to be caught in between the days now. The days can just pass by, us going through the motions of work everyday, but without an aim or motivation in mind.
Then another fren commented the next aim would be the next stage of life -- getting married and settle down with kids.
So the first fren said "but what if you don't see that happening?"
Well, the thing is, no matter which path we go down eventually, the most important thing is to be happy.
But, how do we achieve that secret to happiness everyday?
I miss my "uni" self sometimes.
I was jaded back then, esp. in year 2 and 3.
But at least, I had my committee activities and my frens around to keep me going and happy and confident.
Now, yeah thank goodness I do still have some colleagues to keep me going as well.
But, there's a lot more fear, helplessness and self-doubt felt than never before.
Through my life, I've been through my fair share of disappointment.
Well, who's to say that out of so many exam grades that you've received throughout your academic life, there was never a time when you were not disappointed?
Lets not even mention the school exams. Out of the national exams, I remember being disappointed at my PSLE grade, disappointed at my O'level grade, disappointed at my A'level grade (though at this point there was more relief than disappointment at the mere fact that I have made it to a local uni, regardless of the course -- yeah that was how bad my fear was back then).
But anyway.
Ever since I started working, disappointment was felt lesser.
Well, we only have our appraisals once a year, compared to having exams twice a year back in uni, or even more back then in secondary school, exam grades were dealt with four times a year.
But yesterday, I truly felt the word "disappointment", even though it's not the appraisal period now.
So it turns out that, being disappointed by someone hurts even more than being disappointed by ownself.
Especially when the person had always mattered alot, and then suddenly some things happened, and make you snap back to reality and make you realise "okay. so this is wad it is all about huh."
That's really *ouch*.
Perhaps from another perspective, it may just be a minor gesture, it may just be nothing at all, but because everything once mattered so much, it's just not easy to disregard everything at all.
But it's okay. At least it's a sign to snap out of everything, once and for all. It's been a year after all, it's about time too, I guess.
This long weekend shall be a healing weekend. =)
And hopefully, it can really turn out to work.
We've always known that it's unhealthy that work takes up a big part of our life. But sometimes, when you're so used to work being such a big part of ur life, u realise that without work, life is very empty as well.
That's very sad huh.
There r seniors who go back to the office on weekends, and who are still in office now, despite that the long weekend is supposed to have started, and who WILL also be in office for the nxt few days.
I wonder if that will happen to me when I become a senior next year. But nevermind, that's next year's stuff.
I remember roomie telling me to try to make work only 20% of my life. So that I won't be too engulfed by everything revolving around work, such as the environment and the ppl too. Well, I do love my colleagues, esp. my peers, who are actually the biggest part of the motivation of work everyday. But well, I should aim to have a life outside of work, I know.
I dunno how.
But somehow, I should.
I met up with some uni frens last weekend. A fren mentioned that he feels as if he's going through a quarter-life crisis now. Lost of what's coming next, lost of what to expect next. It's like when we were back in school, we always know what's next. There's always an aim in mind. After O's, it's A's. After A's, it's uni. During uni, it's to fulfill your commitments in activities and schoolwork and get that degree eventually and find your dream job. (but is there even one in the first place?)
But now that we're working and caught up in the rat race, what's next?
It's easy to be caught in between the days now. The days can just pass by, us going through the motions of work everyday, but without an aim or motivation in mind.
Then another fren commented the next aim would be the next stage of life -- getting married and settle down with kids.
So the first fren said "but what if you don't see that happening?"
Well, the thing is, no matter which path we go down eventually, the most important thing is to be happy.
But, how do we achieve that secret to happiness everyday?
I miss my "uni" self sometimes.
I was jaded back then, esp. in year 2 and 3.
But at least, I had my committee activities and my frens around to keep me going and happy and confident.
Now, yeah thank goodness I do still have some colleagues to keep me going as well.
But, there's a lot more fear, helplessness and self-doubt felt than never before.
Monday, November 01, 2010
Who you are inside is what makes you a star
"Who you are inside is what makes you a star!"
-- Shiloh Pepin
I'll always remember the upbeat voice saying that.
Just watched a documentary on this little mermaid hero.
She's an inspiration, really.
Love that quote.
Just wish that everyone could see beyond the surface.
-- Shiloh Pepin
I'll always remember the upbeat voice saying that.
Just watched a documentary on this little mermaid hero.
She's an inspiration, really.
Love that quote.
Just wish that everyone could see beyond the surface.
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